Worried about someone’s home?

Starting the conversation

How to raise the subject sensitively

How the first conversation goes often shapes everything that follows. Leading with care for the person, rather than concern about the stuff, gives you the best chance of being heard.

• Choose a calm, private moment, not a crisis or a family gathering.
• Start with them: their safety, their comfort, how they’re coping.
• Use their words for their belongings, and avoid words like mess, rubbish or junk.
• Listen more than you talk, and take what they say seriously.
• Don’t expect one conversation to settle things. It may take several.

What to avoid

What tends to make things harder

Most people helping a relative or friend are acting out of love. Even so, some well-meant approaches can damage trust and make the person less likely to accept help.

• Clearing things out without their agreement, or while they’re away.
• Ultimatums, threats or setting deadlines in anger.
• Comparing them with others, or with television programmes about hoarding.
• Arriving unannounced with other people.
• Arguing over whether particular items are worth keeping.

A forced clear-out can feel like a violation, and homes often fill up again afterwards. Our page on understanding hoarding explains why.

When practical help may be needed

Signs it may be time for practical help

Some situations need practical help sooner rather than later, even if the bigger conversation is still going on:

• Exits, stairs or hallways are blocked or hard to use.
• They can’t cook, wash or use the toilet properly.
• Heating, electrics or the boiler can’t be reached or serviced.
• They’ve had falls, or are at risk of them.
• A landlord, council or other service has raised concerns about the home.

Our guide to hoarding and home safety covers these risks and some manageable first steps.

Contacting us

Contacting us on someone’s behalf

You can make an enquiry for someone else. We’ll talk with you first and think carefully about how best to approach them – gently, and with care for your relationship.

It helps if they know you’re contacting us, but it’s fine if they don’t yet. Tell us, and we can talk about how the subject might be raised.

Consent

Their wishes and circumstances matter

The wishes and circumstances of the person living in the home matter to us. Where someone else is legally responsible for making decisions, we’ll work with them appropriately.

Support works best when the person living in the home is involved and willing. Part of our role is helping that happen at a pace they can manage.

Making an enquiry

Useful information to share

You don’t need to have all the answers. Whatever you can tell us helps:

• Their general area – a town or postcode area is fine.
• Your relationship to them.
• What worries you most about the home.
• Whether they know you’re contacting us.
• Anything that would help us approach them kindly, such as the best time to talk.

What happens next

After you get in touch

1. 1

   We talk with you first

   We listen to your concerns and what you know about the situation.

2. 2

   We agree how to approach them

   We think together about the gentlest way to involve the person.

3. 3

   We understand the home

   With their agreement, we get a clear picture of what help may be needed.

4. 4

   We explain what we can offer

   We’re honest about whether support may be available, depending on eligibility, assessment and available funds.

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